Moses: 12 Months Old

Dear Moses,

I can't believe you are one year old today! I have spent the last few nights crying myself to sleep, feeling incredibly sad and anxious about this big milestone in your life. I know it's not like you're going to change overnight just because you're one now, but it somehow just feels different. Now, when someone asks how old you are, I'll simply say you're one instead of telling them how many months you are. To me, it feels like the end of an era, the closing of a chapter of my life. I can't come to terms with the fact that you're my last baby. It doesn't seem real that having babies and raising them for the past eight years is now over and I have to move on. I am having a really hard time with it. I start crying every time I let myself dwell on this fact. I'm grieving the loss of your babyhood, all of my boys' babyhoods and it feels really awful.

We had a little birthday party for you today here at our house. We had all of the Albas over and had a BBQ and a little smash cake for you. Everyone gave you presents and you had fun ripping everything open. You didn't do much with your smash cake besides poke at it. At the end you started digging into it, not to eat it but to see what was inside. Out of all of my boys, you were probably the best at making a mess. As everyone was gathered around you singing happy birthday, I couldn't help but cry thinking that this was the last first birthday party that I'd ever be able to throw for one of my babies. It's heartbreaking for me, I tell you!

You are still the happiest little guy. You recently figured out how to clap and love clapping for everyone and everything. You love getting a reaction from us when you do it. You smile nonstop and look at us proudly whenever you're performing one of your party tricks. You love making funny sounds with your lips, waving bye-bye, and making your little stink face where you scrunch your nose up. You're so much fun. I always feel so proud of you because of how happy, handsome, and adorable you are. You're such a joy in my life.

You are a great sleeper! Your naps have both been pushed back a little, but you still take both of them happily. I know it's just a stage and you won't always sleep like this, but I'm enjoying it while it lasts. You wake up around 7:30 every morning, go down for your first nap around 9:30 or 10:00 a.m. and then for your second nap around 2:30 or 3:00 p.m. You go down for the night around 7:30 p.m. Every time I take you up to your room for sleepy time and put you in your bed, you squeal with excitement at the sight of all of your stuffed friends. I zip you into your sleep sack and you nuzzle up to your friends, and go right to sleep. It's the cutest.

You're still nursing, and I hope to keep nursing you until you're at least 18 months. I wouldn't say that you've lost interest in it, but you haven't been staying at my breast for as long. You usually only nurse for a minute or two at each side and then you pull off and you're done. Sometimes I make you do each breast twice in order for you to fully drain them, but usually you're content only nursing for a few minutes. I've wondered if my milk supply is decreasing but it's hard to say. I nurse you in the morning when you wake up, before each of your naps, and before bed. You never wake up in the night anymore, so I always pump before I go to bed. I want to make sure I have enough milk for you because if I'm not careful, it might dry up!

You have five teeth now! Two on top and three on the bottom. The two to the side of your top front teeth are bulging and look incredibly painful but haven't broken through yet. It seems like they're taking forever! It's been almost two months. I'm sure it's going to happen any day now. I know I've said that before, but they seriously must be really close!

You're a great eater, at least when it comes to fruits and veggies. Sometimes that's all I can get you to eat, but you sure love your fresh food! I don't think there's a fruit or veggie that you don't like. Blueberries, grapes, watermelon, pineapple, oranges, raspberries, peas, and carrots are your favorites. You also really like pasta, scrambled and hard boiled eggs, yogurt, beans, and applesauce. Meats are not your favorite, probably because they tend to be hard to chew.

I love and adore you, Moses. I live for your cheesy little grins, your snuggles, and soft skin. I love pressing my cheek against yours and being skin to skin with you. You're the best. Keep up the good work.

You're my everything,
Mama

12 Month Stats:
Height: 30.3 inches (73rd percentile)
Weight: 22 lbs, 10 oz (73rd percentile)
Head Circumference: 19 cm (98th percentile)

Oliver: 6 Years Old

Dear Oliver,

Hey there, buddy. You're a great kid. You know that? You're kind, sensitive, inquisitive, smart, and an incredible brother, especially to Moses. No one can get him laughing like you do. You get down on the floor to play with him all the time and love to make him giggle by being silly. When he wakes up from his nap, you like to be the first one to go into his room. You climb into his crib and play with him. You pile stuffed animals, burp cloths, and blankets in and then throw them on top of him, up into the air, and at the ceiling fan. Moses shrieks with laughter and it makes me so happy. I love watching you play together. You're the most helpful with him of all my boys. I can always count on you to help make him happy if he's sad.

You love to have friends over to play but frequently get your feelings hurt while you're together. You are always telling me how mean people are to you and what they said or did to make you feel bad. You don't stand up for yourself very often and it makes me sad. You seem to get excluded from groups a lot whether it's by your own doing or whether people are leaving you out. I'm not saying you don't have friends because you do! But you tend to gravitate towards hanging out on your own a lot. I think being able to entertain yourself is a good quality to have.

I just went back and re-read your last blog post, and honestly, not a lot has changed. You still love TV and computer games. You're still a picky eater. You're still wetting your pants at night. I've talked to the pediatrician about it and he says there's not a lot we can do. I've tried bribing you will all kinds of treats and toys, encouraging you to wake up dry, but you simply can't do it. You're too deep of a sleeper to wake yourself up in the night or to hold it. You wear pull-ups to bed and probably will for the foreseeable future. Oh well. You'll get over it eventually (I hope!) ;).

Oliver, you are a spiritual boy. You love hearing stories from the scriptures and telling me in detail what you learned about at church. You're not embarrassed to bear your testimony. In fact, a few weeks ago, you came into mine and your daddy's bedroom in the evening and asked us if you could bear your testimony to us. You started in a very formal, serious way, and Eli walked in and started snickering at you when he heard what you were doing. You burst into tears. It was the saddest thing, watching you crumble after you'd been so vulnerable with us. Eli got in BIG trouble and it took awhile to convince you that we wanted to hear your testimony. It was so pure and sweet and melted my heart.

You're the king of bedtime stalling. Of all my kids, you're the one who's capable of coming up with the most excuses about why you can't go to sleep yet. You're hungry, you're hot, you're not tired, you want daddy to read more to you, you're scared, you have a growing pain, you have to poop...... The list goes on and on. I wish you'd just go to sleep when it's time to sleep! Ahhhhh!

You have a sweet soul. You're naturally good. You are kind, sympathetic to others, and caring. I learn from you every day through your example. Sometimes I feel like you should be the parent, not me. Ha ha. I have a long ways to go to be like you! I love you so much and feel incredibly honored to have you as a son.

Love to the moon and stars,
Mama

6 Year Stats:
Height: 46 3/4 in (75th percentile)
Weight: 48 lbs (70th percentile)