Man, life has been crazy lately. I feel like I handled having two kids remarkably well for the first 6 months. I was surprised by how easy it was to adjust to the new lifestyle. But months 6-8 have been really difficult for me. I think it has stemmed from the fact that I started trying to feed Oliver solids at 6 months, and it turns out that he's not doing so hot with eating. Having to spoon feed two bad eaters at the same time, three times a day has been really stressful, especially when neither one of them is interested in eating.
Eli has been throwing up a lot lately. 9 times in the past month. I feel more and more every day that there is something medically wrong with him that makes him not want to eat or drink, and I am desperate to find out what it is. Eli's pediatric gastroenterologist has finally suggested that we do an endoscopy on him to try to find out if there is anything medically wrong with him. He had an upper GI barium swallow back in July that came back normal, but apparently, an endoscopy is much better at diagnosing problems because they go all the way down to his stomach with a tiny camera and look at every square inch.
I am hoping and praying that if there is something wrong with him, it will be very apparent during the endoscopy and they will be able to fix it. I know it's unrealistic to think that a little surgery is going to magically make him a great eater. That's not what I want. I just want to know what's wrong so we can help him. I hate to think that he could be in pain for some reason every time he eats.
I love my boys more than anything, but I am feeling really discouraged lately. I'm not sleeping well, I get headaches a lot, and I'm so busy with them that I rarely find the time to eat. At the end of the day, I feel discouraged that I didn't get more done. I'm trying by best, but I still feel like it's not good enough. I want so much to be one of those perky moms that dresses cute, makes a delicious healthy meal every night, has a clean house, and has well-behaved children that sleep and eat when they're supposed to. Hopefully I can be that woman when my kids are a little older and can do more for themselves. But right now, it's just not realistic, and I have to be okay with that.
10 comments:
Andrea! I am so sorry about poor Eli not eating. I am no doctor but I bet your mother's intuition is right here about there being something wrong. I truly hope you get some kind of answers soon. I would be right there begging them to figure out what is making him sick if it were me too.
I feel the same as you so many days~ wishing I would have done more. I think that it helps you be a better mom in a way. Even if you don't get in all those things you want to you are trying and that is what counts. Hang in there, and get some protein shakes so you can down them in a hurry if you miss a meal chasing your cute boys around :)
Don't get down on yourself. You're doing a great job. Seriously. We had ours close together too and that time frame is especially difficult. I know exactly what you mean when you just want to have a direction to take with what's going on with your kids. It's hard and it's frustrating but you really are doing AMAZING. Being a mom isn't easy, especially when they're young and have issues you can't put your finger on. Try to set up a playgroup trade off so you can have a little time to yourself. Or get a double jogger (I traded my old stroller in for a used one at Kid-to-Kid) and go for a jog. Being outside and moving helps A LOT. Hang in there! It will get easier and rest assured the rest of us are on your side. :-)
You're doing a great job! I think most of us moms feel the exact same way, we just don't post it on facebook as often as we post the good stuff. :) You should check out this blog post, it really made a huge difference in my life- http://www.daringyoungmom.com/2012/12/19/drops-of-awesome/
I hope you're able to figure out what's going on with Eli. I'll keep him (and you) in my prayers.
Oh, Andrea! I hope you can get some answers about Eli soon. That's got to be so hard, especially feeling in your gut that something's not right.
I'm sure you're doing an awesome job and anyone who always has a clean house, perfect children, and hair perfectly in place is lying. :)
I think we all have similar feelings sometimes. I know I do, even if my kids don't struggle with eating the same way Eli does. I think you get extra mommy points for trying really hard,even if it doesn't seem like it's paying off all the time. :)
First of all that perky, has it all together, mom does not exist, so stop trying to be her. It's hard having 2 little ones close in age. It's OK to feel overwhelmed, tired, frustrated and all those other emotions. Don't beat yourself up.
Secondly, trust your mother's instinct about Eli and don't give up until you get an answer. From what you've described, he probably does have some medical condition that influences his lack of interest in eating. Mother's instinct is golden.
oh girly! i know you are an amazing mama. so hard to feel like you aren't doing enough and that there are perfect moms out there, but trust. no woman out there is perfect and even if she seems that way, there is a lot going on you don't see. as for eli, yes...trust your mother's intuition. i knew something was wrong with jude from the moment he was born and every dr told me nothing was wrong. ct scans, barium enemas, so many dr apts...finally at our 3rd gastro intestinal dr in dc, found out at 3 1/2 years old, he had a simple milk allergy!! moms really do know best!! anyway, not saying eli's will be a simple answer but i so understand the desperation of wanting to find an answer. i remember praying that there would "please be something wrong so we can fix it!" it's hard. hang in there because you're doing a fabulous job. xo.
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Andrea, your too hard on your self, and really who the heck cares if your house is clean all the time and you stay in your pajamas most days? :) cause it wont be like that forever, they WILL grow up, and they WILL become independent little boys! and you will then again have more time to do things like shower and clean. :) they don't stay little forever...
after Eva was born and I had a 2 year old and 3 year old boys and they would gang up on me and take advantage of me when I was nursing and do things like escape out of the house in nothing but their undies and run all the way down the street! I was so discouraged, and TIRED. :) I remember reading peoples blogs that always said "I'm so sad that my babies are growing up its happening way too fast"... I remember telling my husband how it's sad that I don't think like that and I can't wait for them to get a little older! haha, I said is that bad!?
but really it will pass... :) just be comforted that all of us feel the same way most days!!
Andrea, your too hard on your self, and really who the heck cares if your house is clean all the time and you stay in your pajamas most days? :) cause it wont be like that forever, they WILL grow up, and they WILL become independent little boys! and you will then again have more time to do things like shower and clean. :) they don't stay little forever...
after Eva was born and I had a 2 year old and 3 year old boys and they would gang up on me and take advantage of me when I was nursing and do things like escape out of the house in nothing but their undies and run all the way down the street! I was so discouraged, and TIRED. :) I remember reading peoples blogs that always said "I'm so sad that my babies are growing up its happening way too fast"... I remember telling my husband how it's sad that I don't think like that and I can't wait for them to get a little older! haha, I said is that bad!?
but really it will pass... :) just be comforted that all of us feel the same way most days!!
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