Thankfully, we live close to Adam's family and I see them a lot, which keeps me sane. Adam's mom is sweet and lets me borrow her car when I need to run errands and always offers to watch Eli while I go out. But I always feel guilty while I'm gone and have a hard time enjoying the freedom because I feel like I'm putting her out despite her constant reassurances that she's happy to do it.
Taking care of a busy 8 month old is a full time job, but sometimes I get bored with the monotony of all of the daily mommy tasks. Every single day is the same. Wake up, breastfeed baby, change baby's diaper, play with baby, feed baby solids, change baby's diaper, breastfeed baby, put baby down for a nap, clean up baby's messes, take baby for a walk, play with baby, feed baby solids, give baby a bath, breastfeed baby, put baby down for a nap, change baby's diaper, etc, etc, etc all day long.
Adam has been working long hours lately because he's new and is trying to get a handle on things at the office. Time goes by so slowly while he's gone, especially towards the end of the day. I can't wait for him to walk through the door, mainly so I can have someone to be with. I try to keep busy by trying new recipes, organizing the house, reading, staying on top of the laundry, and working on home decorating projects, but sometimes at the end of the day, I look back and think, "What was the point of all that?"
While I was working, I couldn't wait to be schedule-free and able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I dreamt of taking myself out to lunch every day, taking naps while the baby was, and being able to visit my parents in St. George whenever I felt like it. Ha! What I didn't realize is that I would still be on a schedule. The baby's. My days completely revolve around Eli and his schedule.
I guess the point of all of this is that it is taking me some getting used to. I've never been good with change, this whole stay-at-home mom business included. I compare myself to women who make the transition from being childless to being a mother look graceful and effortless, and I want to cry. I feel guilty for feeling this way.
Adam and I have gotten a few comments from people lately who have questioned my staying home. Why would I throw away my career as a paralegal? Why would I take myself out of the workforce? Does Adam make enough money as a public defender for me to stay home? The answer is that this is my choice. I choose to stay at home to be with Eli. No one is forcing me to be here. Adam certainly wouldn't mind if I went out and got a job (heaven knows we could use the extra cash).
I just need to remind myself every day that what I do is important, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it. It's a blessing for me to be able to stay home with Eli. I get to witness him learning and growing. I'm there to see all of the funny things he does. I am so blessed!
12 comments:
You are always welcome to come down to our house. It's wild and crazy and we love company and the children loved playing Eli yesterday.
I'm completely understand what you are feeling. It's a HUGE transition.
I still have days of monotony.
When Marshal gets a little bigger and can leave the house, we will come chill with you! I know what you mean, this transition is tough! And I'm just getting started. But you are so right, we are blessed to be able to be the ones raising our kids!
I know exactly what you mean. The play group in my ward saved my sanity. If you need a pick-me-up and reassurance, try reading Dr. Laura's "In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms" and reading conference talks about the eternal significance of what you're doing. Good luck!
It will get easier as Eli gets older. When I had Harper I thought, "I'm so glad I have Elliot too and don't have to go back to being home with an infant again -- boring!" It makes a big difference when your kid can talk, play games etc.
You know when you read those posts and you find yourself nodding your head in agreement and sighing, because you know exactly what they mean? That was me reading this! I've been going through a "I rather not be at home" slump. But then you have those unbelievable mommy moments (getting a hug and kiss or watching them do something for the first time) and you remember why you choose to be there.
I have always admired the mothers that Choose to stay home with their kids. The ones that can do other things, have had careers and yet they have decided to stay at home with their kids! One day when I get to stay home with my kids I will know it was because I have made the decision to do so. You appear to me to have made the transition flawlessly... and effortless! Us girls just never know how to feel like we are great at what we are doing, but trust me what you are doing is building a strong generation and doing a great job at it! Keep it up you are awesome!
I think every stay at home mom knows how you feel, even if they don't show it. Who would have thought that going to the grocery store or Target could make your day seem so much better. I think getting a hobby and learning something new really helps with this. I know you already have an education but there is always something new to learn, I have felt like such a better mother and wife when I am doing something for myself too. Good luck it is such a fun time that goes by so quickly.
I totally understand every word. It's hard getting into the groove of motherhood. I took up crocheting:-) I will say that even though we've had some seriously boring days I am so glad that I was able to hang out with Sadie every day. She starts school this fall and it kills me that she's that old. Even though the days go by REALLY slow, the years fly by. I love this article I read a while ago. Here's a website so you can read it too. It really puts things into perspective:-)
http://creativeoutletdesigns.blogspot.com/2007/09/invisible-mom.html
Oh I feel ya! I remember working all the time and wanting so bad just to have a day off to day nothing, how things have changed! I love staying at home,but it is a very different kind of life. I feel the same way looking at women who make it seem all too easy! I felt bad for feeling the way I do, but the truth is everybody feels that way! Even if they don't come right out and say it. This is Adam's cousin.
I think being a stay-at-home mom is totally like Groundhog Day! Every day we fight the same battles, but you are totally right, it is important nonetheless. I appreciated reading your thoughts. Thanks for being open, I can totally relate to your post. :)
I found your link on another blog. But, when I read this post I wanted to comment. You are blessed to stay home. Soak every moment up and cherish them all. Just started reading The Mission of Motherhood. 1st chapter is great and deals with some of the stuff you wrote about.
Andrea Hi,
I have been following your blog for a while. You have an adorable son and a very nice blog to read with beautiful photos.
I have a 4 year old son, and I'm the co-founder of a new parenting social network, Nurturia. We build it for parents to save and share their childrens' memories easily, and share experiences with other parents. We are still working on this social network, and now we are testing it together with a limited number of people, and collecting feedback. Tools for saving memories are ready for use, well, the second one will become more useful, as we have more users :)
Would you join us? I promise it won't take too much time, and you can save Eli's firsts, what did he do, and his growth. You can sign-up on this page if you'd like to give it a try: http://beta.nurturia.com/
Sign-up takes only a minute and it's free. We are not spammers, and we hate spam.
There are some screenshots on this page: http://beta.nurturia.com/account/tour/
Best,
Damla
http://beta.nurturia.com/people/damla
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